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Monday, September 13th, 2010
10:03 pm - damn
i feel horribly unaccomplished.

current mood: disappointed

(1 bruise | punch me)

Thursday, May 6th, 2010
12:19 am - yeah, it still hurts.
look, i know i fucked up. and there i was, trying to make it better. and you chose otherwise. the only thing i can't accept. and now you say you'll probably regret it in the future. here is the dilemma...if i say "ok" you think i'm weak and have no sense of self. but if i say no, i lose. and i don't want to lose you. it took so long for us to get together...and now we have our life together and you're choosing molly the fucking fuckest fuckface of all fuckest fuckers in the fucking world. how many times can i say sorry? more than you ever could...you don't deserve me if you can't make this decision, but i want you. so be with me. please. we will have a good life. just stop hurting me. please. please. why have you unleashed this side of you? god stop. i can't feel worthless again.

current mood: crushed

(1 bruise | punch me)

Sunday, April 25th, 2010
1:30 am - you killed me
i never thought i could hurt this much again. but, i have been proven wrong. my heart is ripped out, stomped on. by an adult. not a curious youngin', looking for her truth. an adult who i've lived with land loved for almost three years. i don't trust any of you. my sister is the only one who gets my true heart now. so i say...

oh god...it hurts so...much...

current mood: crushed

(punch me)

Friday, January 29th, 2010
1:28 pm - what does the wind do?
whats so wrong with secrets? and why can't i have some of my own friends, to share secrets with?

(1 bruise | punch me)

Thursday, July 16th, 2009
12:30 pm - midsummer musings
i often don't feel like i know where my life is going. why i'm doing the things i do, why i stay in the city i'm in. i want answers, but i don't know where to get them.

why do i live in minneapolis? it's not for a job. maybe it's for a band. it's not for the girl, she wants to go away to the mountains and bring me with. there are beautiful people here, wonderful friends who have touched my heart. minneapolis is close enough to my dear parents. the mountains seem so far away from them. then again, so is Frankfurt, so...if brenda did it, i suppose i could too. perhaps i do need a break from the busy city (like mpls is really that busy). maybe i'm too distracted to do the things i love. there are too many bars, too many people. maybe i do want a mountain view to stare at and wait for words to come flowing on the paper, with a melody in my head. it just seems to hard to leave everything again. to leave most friends behind and start over. maybe that is what i need.

i honestly don't know. i don't know where to take my life. i know lacey is so good for me. i know she can't stay here much longer. is it the right choice to go with her?

and what is this career business? should i think about a different plan other than music? music is what makes me happy, but to make money doing it? how do i do that without TEACHING?! i don't think i'm a good teacher. maybe the mountains would offer a new light to what i want to do. being out in nature sounds pretty good. follow in my father's footsteps? become a steward for the land? teaching the world about *the world* sounds better than teaching music. i don't know how to teach music. i just say, DO IT. thats what i did. music is natural, flowing from my deepest emotions. what can i teach of that?

do i need a big city to succeed in music? is this a stereotype that is hindering my musical growth? i think what i need is better communication. showing myself. being *proactive* about it. bah. i'm much too shy to do that naturally. something to work on, somewhere to grow.

lets talk about the mountains some more, my love. get it figured out, logistics, emotions, time frames....maybe i can do it. i bet i could, but i have to believe.

current mood: contemplative

(1 bruise | punch me)

Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
2:27 am - all through the years
sometimes, things come into your life that are not ready for you. perhaps more so the other way around. such as my sweetest darling lacey. a love so happy and without fret.

and this cd, hollohills, by scatteredtrees.

all good things come to those who wait.

current mood: calm

(punch me)

Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
9:39 pm - STELLLAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
a new year. a new life. a better life. she is completely out of my life. for now. i can live again! i am so happy.
stella. star rollergirl. beautiful artist. interested in contemporary music. someone i am completely smitten with. cannot get her out of my head any minute of the day! i like it. kissing her felt like something i haven't felt in a couple years. what joy. what growth.
lucky me. :-)
i'm trying to go with it, taking it for what it is, not making anything up that isn't actually there. hoping but not being unreasonable.

ahhhhhhhhh. it's good to feel this way again.

current mood: chipper

(4 bruises | punch me)

Thursday, April 6th, 2006
11:43 pm - secret place
if you haven't noticed, i've taken to writing sad/emo/stupid stuff on livejournal. i have a myspace that more people go to, so if you're reading this, good for you, but i generally assume that nobody reads this anymore. which is good. which is why i write the pathetic stuff here. okay, end explaination now.

i don't know what it is, but today i thought, wow, i'm still in love with m. why would i think that? what brought it on? i found out she might have an icky sickness and i just wanted to go over to her place and make her soup and take care of her. give her a massage, clean her place, do anything nice for her. my chest has that pain in it that is saved for the big heartaches because i miss her so much.

and i don't think she wants to see me anytime soon. ah, but i am the one who said i didn't want to see her. which is the hardest thing i have done in a long time, right? it needed to be said. something wasn't right. a romantic relationship wasn't in the cards...

people freak me out. someone touches me, i wonder why. i'm suspicious of everyone. i fall for people i can't have.

gah. this is just a bad time probably. it's been three weeks. just gotta get over the hump maybe. i feel like i'm making progress most days. yeah, it'll get better..

current mood: sad

(3 bruises | punch me)

Monday, March 20th, 2006
2:23 pm - i need to get to madison
there is a rainer maria concert in madison on the 24th. i think i need to be there for that. but i have no info about it!

had an amazing weekend. so many kind people out in the world. seriously. i've lived here for almost 2 years and there are just vast amounts of loving, caring, smart, creative, active people that i haven't met. TONS! a;sdklgh!

i shouldn't find it hard to believe that of all the bars, they went to the same one. but for a moment my heart did a little skip and my brain said "drink the whole beer and then the whiskey!". just a blip in the radar though.

i met someone last night that i think i just want to make happy. or at least get her onto the path of happiness. doing so can help me, too.

i seriously can't believe how many genuine, caring people i met in the past 3 days.

current mood: content

(2 bruises | punch me)

Thursday, February 16th, 2006
10:56 am - places i've never been to
travelling with a band in a van. i got sick 5 days ago. i'm still sick. yeah, i was sick a week before we left too. what is wrong with my body? mimicing my mind maybe?

i switched the ring to my right hand. sad, but needed. i remember the fall, flying kites, running in the leaves with amadeus. i remember you coming home early in the morning with sad news. i remember walking in the rain through uptown. i remember biking everywhere. you didn't like me following you too close behind you. i remember you holding me on the franklin bridge and kissing me in front of all the people in automobiles. i remember a lot of things. is this why i haven't let go?

i feel like a child. this shouldn't be so difficult.

i haven't cuddled with anyone for a long time. i like to cuddle.

west virginia is warm and beautiful.

current mood: melancholy

(4 bruises | punch me)

Sunday, January 29th, 2006
1:10 pm - IMPORTANT!!!!
hello all you people out there! i know i haven't been on livejournal for awhile, but i am need of help! i'm touring with the band west elliot in a little more than a week and we need places to stay! think you can help with this? i bet some of you could! housing a rock band? wow! sweet! so, what i'd like everyone to do is go to:


take a look at the tour dates. see some that you live near by? willing to house 4 band members and the drummer's german girlfriend? well! that's super! either click on my link at the bottom of the myspace page and message me or write me an email at laurainfo@gmail.com. we especially need housing in omaha, kansas city, st. louis (and i knoooow y'all have connections there), basically, the first part of the tour. scary, right? so PLEASE, help me and the band out. i will be forever grateful!

thanks for taking the time to read this! wish me luck! if i come through your town, make sure to stop by!

(4 bruises | punch me)

Monday, January 9th, 2006
1:14 pm - meh
february 27th at the subterranean in chicago. be there. for west elliot, the band i'm going on tour with. woo rock.

current mood: i'm at work. still.

(punch me)

Monday, December 26th, 2005
2:10 am - odd

current mood: full

(punch me)

Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
12:36 pm

wait no, i shouldn't start the entry like that. i had a wonderful time in chicago seeing old friends. not all of them, since my time there was short. so many people to see, too little time...hopefully there are no hard feelings. but yes, chicago brought many musings from me about my past and it's just so apparent to me what is going on now. but there is no replacement. there is no getting something back. hmm. i'm excited about spending time alone. i should throw my phone into the mississippi. nah...but i should keep if off more often.

back to the barf. yes, everything in this city is too connected.

and i'm sick of language and dating and kissing and meaning. i'm kind of sick of it all.

but i'm excited about being in a band! touring in february!

i need a new brain or maybe i need a new city. yay!

current mood: aggravated

(1 bruise | punch me)

Friday, December 9th, 2005
2:40 pm
i will be in chicago saturday, sunday and part of monday. if you have any desire to see me, please call me at 612-270-8866.

hell yeah!

(punch me)

Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
10:44 am - sad...
today was going alright. not really going to post much because really, who likes to hear "oh we broke up boohoohoo" again? i don't like it, so meh.

hey i'm not a guy! hey, i'm simplifying!

but the thing that made me sad today was the news about my aunts new kitty, sweet little rosa...she died last night. :-( freak accident involving a lazy boy. poor baby...

someone from my past called me up and it was weird.


current mood: sad

(3 bruises | punch me)

Thursday, December 1st, 2005
10:39 am - special
mira? where are you? you especially need to email me...

(3 bruises | punch me)

10:30 am
i have 1000 of my cds. you must buy them. 12 dollars each. they are fucking awesome. chris did a great job on the artwork. it's so professional! yay!

email me at laurainfo@gmail.com if you want one. and yes, if you already ordered one, i still have the list and i'll be contacting you so keep yo' panties on.

that is all. chicago in 9 days. ohhh yeah. by myself now though, allll by myyyyself....

(10 bruises | punch me)

Sunday, November 20th, 2005
2:21 pm - welcome back
hey, i'm going to chicago pretty soon. something like the 10th, 11th and 12th. really don't know what my schedule is when i'll be there, but i must see people. especially christopher, since i think it's been over 2 years since the last time.

i'm staying with the fabulous sweet tits, so, that's where i'll be. oh yeah. fuck yeah. so excited.

current mood: tired

(2 bruises | punch me)

Monday, October 17th, 2005
11:41 pm - college!
oh campus life. it's such a community and closed in and interesting. i kind of miss it. i definitely miss my friends. it got me used to being around people constantly though. i'm unlearning that. i think that is good.

so right, i'm at lakeland college. who would have ever thought this day would come! it's fun to see ashley's life and friends here. it's in the middle of a field. i was listening to a cd with some circus like music on it and i was certain i was lost in some random field just outside of plymouth. but no! lakeland college was there!

this post is somewhat pointless. right! back to college!

current mood: calm

(punch me)

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